Marriage and Communication
Marriage can be an exciting, vision-oriented and loving reality. There is possibly no greater model of a marriage than that of Jesus and his bride, the church. I am sure at times that the bride of Christ , His people, can disappoint and cause pain to Jesus. However, Jesus continually intercedes for His bride; lays his life down for His bride; loves His bride. But what is the possibility of producing such a marriage as this, you may ask? To build such a marriage through self-importance and independence is not possible, but to surrender your marriage to the Lordship of Jesus will be the beginning of a great adventure!
Scripture explains God's plan for how a husband and wife should relate to one another within the context of their marriage relationship. For example, Ephesians 5 teaches about the responsibility of the husband. He is directed to love his wife as Jesus loves the church; in laying his life down for her. This is mentioned several different times in scripture as an admonishment to the husband, so that he can move toward reflecting Christ in the marriage relationship. In actual fact, it may be seen as an act of giving, or selflessness; first planted from the love of Christ. Wait a minute! What if my wife is ungrateful... disrespectful .... controlling ... or even mouthy!? Doesn't that give me an excuse to not lay down my life for her? No. According to scripture your actions toward your wife are not according to what she does, but rather according to what Jesus did, and His pattern for living.
In Ephesians 5 wives are also directed to submit to their husbands. In its simplest form, submission simply means to honor and follow the one who leads. To honor the lead of her husband and to pray for her husband are both incredibly important actions. Why? As the church submits to the headship of Jesus, it finds direction and purpose. So as a wife submits to her husband, she finds freedom within the marriage relationship. However, submission does not imply that one must obey directives that are contrary to God's commands, or that one be put in a position where their life is threatened. God does not condone violent abuse. No! Such a counterfiet is an incorrect application of submission. Submission should always be a full act of surrender based upon God's pattern in scripture. But if the husband is not threatening the life of the wife, or asking her to disobey God in some area, scripture says he is to be honored. Wait a second! What if my husband is inattentive, immature, incompetent, or even worse, I don't feel loved by him!? According to scripture the wife is STILL obligated to honor the husband not because of what he does, but because of what Jesus does, and who He is.
The bible has a word for this kind of loving relationship- "agape".
Agape should saturate a marriage and spill out in overflow to those who surround the two. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says; 'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects. always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.'
SOME PEOPLE ARE SIMPLY TOO CAUGHT UP IN SELF-CENTERED BEHAVIORS, TOO FOCUSED ON THIER PAST HURTS, OR TOO STUBBORNLY INDEPENDENT TO SUBMIT TO GOD'S PATTERN FOR MARRIAGE. These marriages that are full of fighting, hurt, and lack should be all the proof that these people need in order to repent and begin to live out God's pattern for life giving relationships.
Daily business, finances, health, parenting and various other stressors, may often cause confusion and unloving feelings toward ones spouse. Sound familiar?!!
Sometimes we become so busy with the ebb and flow of life that we forget that our spouse was actually created to be our partner. Most commonly, during our greatest seasons of stress, a helpmate can be seen as more of a hinderance. However, if it could only be realized that our differences are actually gifts given by God to fill in the blanks of our lack! If we could only give God credit for knowing our needs, then maybe we could appreciate one another as gifts!
As men and women, one of the most confusing differences we face, centers upon our differing abilities to communicate. Sometimes deciphering and comprehending what the other person is trying to say is completely simple, however, at other times communication can be hard work. In order to understand this perplexity a little more, please view the following videos:
Marriage Help and Support
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Christianity Today: Offers advice and insight articles on marriage builders.
Marriage Builder's: This site features audio clips, articles, questionnaires and a coaching center to help married couples build a stronger marriage.
Marriage Crisis Counseling Resources
Save My Marriage: Help and practical advice for marriage recovery and healthy marriage.